yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
