Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
