drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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