R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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