Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Help. Why am I so naked?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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