I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
