Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
