i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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