I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
