Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
