Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
