Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I understand Curling. That high.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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