Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
