How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We need to get me chipped asap
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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