Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
