At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
