Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
