Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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