we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
