Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
