Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
