He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
