I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
