When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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