More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
