you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
