I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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