Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
