I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
