Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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