Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
