She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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