And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
