thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
