You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
