the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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