Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
