If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
