I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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