I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
