It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
