I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
