I wish i was in the wii world.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
