Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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