Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
