I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
