All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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