Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
