we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
