Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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