god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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