I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
