GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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